Katie Goes Shopping

Well sort of. After purging most of the clothes I owned (6 large trash bags full) that were too large, old, ill fitting, or that I just didn’t wear, I realized I had very few clothes to wear on a day-to-day basis. I was even low on pajamas that fit. (correction: am low. Gosh, I love pajamas. Can we just take a moment to breathe an “ahhhh” at the idea of great pajamas?) I currently have 2 pairs of pants in the wear to work rotation and one of them is definitely too big. I’m also wearing the same couple dresses (also becoming too big) on repeat. And t-shirts? Swimming.

So, while I was at Target last weekend I managed to see plain t-shirts on sale so I grabbed two in colors I like and hoped that I was right in grabbing “the next size down.” And I was. My t-shirts are now a size Large. NO X REQUIRED.

Riding on a workout fueled Friday happiness, I decided to tackle the notion of trying to find clothes for work that actually fit. I’m hesitant to buy a lot of clothes because realistically, my plan is that they won’t fit for very long. The problem is that gets expensive no matter how cost effective the purchases. But, I have to wear clothes. And they have to be work appropriate. AND, I don’t want to look like a crazy bag lady. Why would I spend so much time working out and being so careful about what I eat and ending up with a better figure, only to COMPLETELY HIDE IT AND MAKE IT LOOK BAD WITH ILL-FITTING CLOTHES? No. Not good for my delicate self-esteem. I know I feel better and interact better with the world when I feel like I look good. I’m challenged enough by being shy, nerdy, socially awkward and introverted. I don’t need to be constantly thinking about how stupid my clothes look. I need all my energy and focus on not saying something stupid, dropping the conversation ball, and/or spitting on someone.

Anyway, I ended up at JCPenney, which has long been a go-to for reasonably priced clothes that fit. Knowing that my size large t-shirts fit, I started scoping tops in the same size. I grabbed a few that I liked but I was distracted by jeans. One of my coworkers made an impression on me earlier with how good her jeans looked and I wanted to look that good in my jeans. So, I started rummaging (gently selecting) for “the next size down” in Levi’s and another brand that was in the same display area and looked cute. (I like dark jeans.) Arms loaded with size large tops and size 14 jeans (yep) I made my way to the delicates section because they have the best fitting rooms. They’re all purple velvety with a nice cushion, plenty of room to hang things, big mirror, and a real door with a lock. Also, they generally lack children and teenagers. [I have nothing against these two groups of humans. But kids run around and peek under doors and make bad smells and teenagers are loud and messy and in a totally different mental place than I am and I do not need that psychosis on top of my own 30-something, single self-conscious psychosis.]

Once again, I was distracted. My bras don’t really fit anymore either. And improper support and control is not only uncomfortable and aggravating, but it can make you look frumpy. I grabbed a couple of bras to try in a band size smaller than the smallest one I have and cup size smaller. (I tried on 36DD.)[I’ll cut to the point on this one. Band size seemed to fit but cups were too snug. I probably need to actually measure. I also desperately want to buy something pretty from Victoria’s Secret because I think I actually can now. And pretty bras are so joyous. And because I CAN.)

And then I took a deep breath, pulled off my cowboy boots and dress, and tried on clothes. And they fit. What the…? THEY FIT. Excuse me, but I’m still a fat girl. Looking in the mirror I still see the same contours of my belly and chest. But I grabbed mainstream clothes from the normal size section and they fit. I stared for a good five minutes.

I ended up not finding work pants – the main mission of the trip. The selection was small and size 14 was absent from the racks. As that practical reality set it, I decided not to buy anything I tried on. If I really really wanted it, I’d go back. But really, I don’t need jeans. I should use that money on something more practical like clothes for work or a bra.

Even though I walked out sans-bag and sans-debt, I did take something away. I’ve lost 61 pounds and I’m still losing. I’m not busting out of a size 22 and XXL any more. I shouldn’t feel ashamed of my body. I shouldn’t’ feel guilty thinking I look good. I’ve earned it. I’ve worked so hard for it. And I’m still working. And being a size large/14 feels like some sort of miracle. Instead of thinking about how some people would still find that fat, I have to focus on how I feel at this size – and I feel strong and hopeful, but a little bit scared.

And a little bit naked.

Under 200 Pounds 50 Pound Weightloss Reward

So, I posted last week about being very close to being under 200 pounds and weighing in the 100’s again. It’s been years. Probably 6 years since my weight started with a 1 and not a 2. And before that it was years.

In my post I asked what I should give myself as non-food reward for hitting this first big goal. (I have mini-goals along the way and I give myself non-food rewards 3-4 times a month.) There were a lot of great suggestions of things to pamper myself and make myself look pretty. I think I’m going to save some of these for my giant goal of hitting the 150 lb weight mark. Why 150? Because it puts me back in the normal weight range for my height. From there, I can figure out what I should do next and how much I still want/need to lose. I’ve always wanted to weigh 125 lbs, but that might not be the right number for me so I’m trying to be cautious with that final number. [Side note: Weight is not the be all end all. I know this. But when you are at a point where you are obese and more than just festively plump, it matters. I don’t just judge my success on weight, but I use it as a tool.]

Anyway, I chose something for my “Back in the 100’s”/Halfway!/Lost 50lbs mark:

I bought a food processor and an iron skillet. Things that will make cooking easier and more fun. When I lose another 25lbs, I am going to have someone come in and clean my house. And when I reach 150, I am going for that spa day with the facial, massage, and mani/pedi.

My non-food reward is a gift to myself, and yes, it’s a practical gift, but it’s also sort of a splurge. Something to make my kitchen happier and exciting. Even though I haven’t hit the goal, I went ahead and made the purchase – because I’m that confident – and because the really good sale ended today, so I wasn’t going to be able to get as good of deal if I waited.

Tomorrow’s weigh-in is going to mean a lot. I’m pretty sure I’m at least halfway to my goal. I’ll post an update tomorrow. It may be in the form of a lolcat, but you know, whatever.

My (soon to be) pretties!

Cuisinart Food Processor

Reg. $149.99
Was $99.99
Sale $69.99

Iron Skillet

Reg. $54.99
Sale $27.99  + an extra 15% off

Middleman

It’s been said that if you shop only the perimeter of the grocery story, you will be healthier. This is because all of the processed items are in the middle.  Today, I practiced the perimeter shopping principle and ended up with a cart full of fruits and veggies, lean meat and salmon.

Tonight’s dinner was Maple Balsamic Salmon with a Pear Salad (pear, pecans, feta cheese, spinach, and balsamic vinegar.)

maple balsamic salmon with pear salad
This was yummy and easy to make!

Anyway, I also hit the gym for the first time in a week and what a good workout I had!  (Wondering why I didn’t hit the gym yesterday? Check out my post on Tremendous Blondette when I get around to writing it – there will be pictures!)

And now, at 5 past 8pm, I am ready for bed.

Ritual of Shame

Tonight after work I went to Lane Bryant. I’ve never been a huge fan (HAHAHAHAA) of theirs because their clothes never seem to fit me right, they’re expensive, and it’s a fat kid store. I don’t have anything against fat people except for me. To me, walking into Lane Bryant is a ritual of shame because it means I can’t find enough clothes in my closet or in regular stores. I’ve had success with Kohl’s, JCPenney, Target, and Old Navy, but I was driven to try Lane Bryant today because I need a new place to look.

In my search, I discovered that jersey dresses are not my friend and that Lane Bryant has some fun jewelry. I will probably go back this weekend to play with bras because I now have coupons.