No secret here: I’ve lost a lot of weight. About 80 lbs. I’m working toward 100+.
You can’t lose that amount of weight without people noticing. Comments are inevitable and sometimes, frequent. People who haven’t seen you for months remark. People who see you daily remark. Meanwhile, you keep looking in the mirror and trying to imagine what other people see and trying to interpret what you see.
This is really the 3rd time I’ve tried to lose a significant amount of weight. I’ve succeeded at weight loss before. Where I didn’t succeed was in changing my life. I can diet like a pro. I am an But right now? I’M NOT ON A DIET. That’s the difference.
In my previous two major weight loss eras I really struggled with people’s comments and questions. It made me super uncomfortable to talk about my body and my weight loss. “OMG. Stop noticing me! I no exist! You no see me!” I was doing Weight Watchers and exercising or I was just restricting calories and exercising. Neither one stuck. And neither addressed the real issues I had with my lifestyle.
Even though I still struggle with what I put in my mouth and how I move my body – AND HOW I FEEL ABOUT ALL THAT – I am still proud of myself.
Comments, questions, conversation and compliments don’t make me want to run away (though I totally could!) They make me stand a little taller. They make me think “damn right! I’m awesome!” And the reason I feel that way is because I know what I’m doing is HEALTHY. I’m not starving all day just so I can stay under 1500 calories and eat a giant concrete for dinner. I’m not hording food. I’m not hiding food. I’m not sneaking food. [Confession: In high school I used to buy the big container of chocolate chip cookies from Hy-Vee bakery and hide them under my bed. I’d eat and eat and eat. Also, when I was doing Weight Watchers when I was 16 I remember finding caramels in the top cabinet of our kitchen and thinking I’d hit the jackpot. I totally snuck those bad boys (never before had I ever really cared about eating a caramel). And there was the time we had friends visiting from out of town and we all went swimming and had pizza. I had my WW personal sized cardboard delight and everyone else was having Freschetta. Hell yes I shoved a piece or two of that Freshcetta down my gullet in secret AND ate my cardboard pizza.]
I’m confident because I know I’m making good choices in my life. Do I still have issues with food? Sure. I probably always will. But I’m not afraid to be noticed. I’m open to discussing my struggles with food, movement and mental health with people. Come on, I blogged about my belly and admitted to making it into a butt.
No kidding folks. I’m sexy and I know it. (and you should feel free to comment because I’ll do a sassy little dance in my head and say “Thank you!” – and mean it.)