I Ate a Bunch of M&Ms

I’ll write fast and fluid because I’m getting a little woozy and heavy lunged from Benedryl.

Losing a lot of weight doesn’t lighten everything. I’ve been in a plateau-like place with my weight for the last month – 2 months. I feel stronger. I have better cardio endurance. I think I’m smaller. But, my weight is not going down like it was.

I also still eat. Being so careful and tracking (and measuring – yes, people, measuring – and BEING HONEST with those measurements – is a huge key) sometimes becomes constrictive.

I eat clean and avoid the foods and food-like things that my body doesn’t like because it makes me feel healthy and it helps me stay strong. But sometimes I say yes to the foods. Like yesterday I was feeling melancholy and I ate comfort foods. And felt like shit.

And today, I ate more. And felt like shit.

I won’t feel better until I flush all the crap out. (ha) [this is also the only time I will admit to finding some redeeming factor in the idea of the “cleanse.” I don’t believe in any of that stupid “only eat this this day “etc bullshit. No, I simply believe in eating real, whole foods that you prepare yourself and that don’t come in packages. No pop. Water, coffee, tea. Minimal dairy. No meat (but that’s me.) It’s only a “cleanse” if you haven’t been eating healthfully. I hate the idea of the “cleanse” because people look at it as a temporary thing. A quick fix. And the only quick fix to health is through habit. Consistency. Nutrient dense, whole foods. Water. Exercise. That’s it. So simple. Also, rest. (I can tell when I’ve had something processed or at a restaurant because I get thirstier.)]

Anyway, it’s important for people who are trying to change their lives through more healthful eating to know that we all indulge. We all stumble. We all hate it. We all enjoy it. But the thing that makes the difference is what you do after. Making sure it doesn’t define you.

I’m more than this. I’m more than what I eat or why I eat. I’m more than a crazy runner girl. But I’m those things too.

Keep pumping the iron. Keep squatting. Keep running. Keep remembering how good you can feel. Keep remembering how proud you are. Keep loving yourself. Keep remembering why you make the choices you do. (and sometimes those choices are an indulgence. Understand that.)

Your weight will go up. Your weight will go down again. Your weight will go up again. And it will go down again. It’s normal. Let it go. Be honest. Track. Measure. Eat whole foods. Mostly plants. Exercise. Drink water. Do it consistently. Don’t beat yourself up when you deviate.

Blah blah. My stomach hurts. (Actually, it’s my intestines.)


weight chart
See? Up and down. Just don’t give up.

10:46 pm. More thoughts.
It’s not all “BOOM! I’m skinny!”. Or “BOOM! I only wanna eat veggies all day long!”.

Sometimes I think having food intolerances and being meat-free make it easier. But really, no.

I’m not trying to be preachy. Just letting you (and me) know (remember) that I’m not defined by food. I’m not suddenly going to be 70 lbs heavier again. I’m going to succeed. And so can you.

Also, I’m going to look for a cooking class or culinary event that caters to my dietary requirements. Also, thinking about giving up dairy and eggs. And fish. But not honey.


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