I’m at an important point in my “journey.” This is where I usually stall out or backslide. aka FAIL. FAIL FAIL FAIL. FAIL FAIL FAIL. flop.
I am determined to push through. I am determined to succeed this time. Right? Am I? I am?
The last 2 weeks my motivation and self confidence have been tenuous. Keeping the “but I WANT” voice of my inner child quiet has been more challenging than it was a month ago. I am working on a new self definition. Sometimes I do not believe I am who I am. I enjoy exercise. I enjoy cooking and eating healthy. I enjoy being a morning person (mornings are just this wonderful combination of peace and energy – so much possibility!) I enjoy that some of my best friends are four-legged (and snuggly!) I love lying around with a book and a cat or 3. I’m not much for crowds. I’m still shy and awkward with people until I really know them (that hasn’t changed much.)
Am I seeking to soothe something? Am I just tired? The mental and emotional aspects of such drastic lifestyle changes cannot be negated. My life was not what it was because I was happy, healthy, and fit. Losing weight and having a healthier body doesn’t fix the rest of me – but it sure helps. Working on one or two things every month helps. That focus is critical.
In all of the self doubt and fear, this is a cloud of inspiration descending. It is a pushy cloud. It both envelopes and consumes me. Several people told me they’ve been inspired by my progress. And others are inspired by having a goal to share and the pride that comes with achieving something through hard work that they never thought they could do. YES! We are STRONG.
As I try to get myself back in a positive groove, I think about these people. They motivate me to be more. So, keep being awesome people. Because right now? I need some of your awesomeness to remind why I live the way I do now.
I do not know what will become of me if I slip backwards or get stuck. And I’m frightened.