In Which There is Self Doubt

I’m at an important point in my “journey.” This is where I usually stall out or backslide. aka FAIL. FAIL FAIL FAIL. FAIL FAIL FAIL. flop.

I am determined to push through. I am determined to succeed this time. Right? Am I? I am?

The last 2 weeks my motivation and self confidence have been tenuous. Keeping the “but I WANT” voice of my inner child quiet has been more challenging than it was a month ago. I am working on a new self definition. Sometimes I do not believe I am who I am. I enjoy exercise. I enjoy cooking and eating healthy. I enjoy being a morning person (mornings are just this wonderful combination of peace and energy – so much possibility!) I enjoy that some of my best friends are four-legged (and snuggly!) I love lying around with a book and a cat or 3. I’m not much for crowds. I’m still shy and awkward with people until I really know them (that hasn’t changed much.)

Am I seeking to soothe something? Am I just tired? The mental and emotional aspects of such drastic lifestyle changes cannot be negated. My life was not what it was because I was happy, healthy, and fit. Losing weight and having a healthier body doesn’t fix the rest of me – but it sure helps.  Working on one or two things every month helps. That focus is critical.

In all of the self doubt and fear, this is a cloud of inspiration descending. It is a pushy cloud. It both envelopes and consumes me. Several people told me they’ve been inspired by my progress. And others are inspired by having a goal to share and the pride that comes with achieving something through hard work that they never thought they could do. YES! We are STRONG.

As I try to get myself back in a positive groove, I think about these people. They motivate me to be more. So, keep being awesome people. Because right now? I need some of your awesomeness to remind why I live the way I do now.

I do not know what will become of me if I slip backwards or get stuck. And I’m frightened.


6 thoughts on “In Which There is Self Doubt

  1. I skip to your blog when I’m looking for inspiration! The changes you’ve made are pushing me when I want to lay down kicking and screaming and just give up! Thank YOU for meing A-MAZING!!!

  2. You totally inspire me, too. I feel like I could yo-yo back and forth for my whole life sometimes, but you have shown that some changes are really consistent (and worth keeping consistently). And I like you generally, so that helps. 🙂

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