When to Lie to Your Trainer

[HIIII, Cheryl!]

This morning I am aware of the location of my glutes. This is because they are slightly sore from yesterday’s workout. That was the goal you see. Soreness. Because with soreness there is progress and strengthening.

However, if you find yourself having the following conversation please choose your responses wisely:

Trainer: So, were you sore? OR You (ME): I was so sore after Tuesday’s workout!

You (Me): *nodding away some sweat and lifting something* Oh yes.

*pause*

*stop lifting something to demonstrate putting clothes on* This movement hurt. I had trouble putting on my bra.

T: That’s it? Your legs weren’t sore.

You (ME): Nope! (tra-la-la-la-la!)

T: *frowny face* Hmmm.

*proceeds to make next sets of exercises ALL ABOUT THE LEGS*

You (ME): *I see what she’s doing. It’s totally going to work.*

T: You shouldn’t be able to put on pants because you’re sore!

You (ME): I’m not going to be able to go to the bathroom. I’m going to have to call into work because I can’t get dressed. “I’m sorry, I can’t come in today. I’m too sore to get dressed.”

**happiness returns**

[This is all paraphrased from real life events. I’m getting old, folks. I can’t remember word-for-word how the conversation went. This is my interpretation for your amusement and to make my point.]

So, I probably shouldn’t openly post that only my glutes are a little sore. I can still squat just fine (which is great because I’m drinking lots of water so being able to go to the bathroom is helpful), walk just fine, etc. Even my upper body that was SO sore after last Tuesday is just fine. (Though, I’m not sure how because I have never felt more excited about putting down a barbell in my life than I felt yesterday. Upside, my thumb is going to be totally hot!)

I am a terrible liar. I have no poker face. I think it’s because of my natural internal ebullience and rich tradition of Irish Catholic guilt.

Also, it makes me panic.

So, no lying.

Be honest.

That soreness is just like your glutes trying to smack themselves for a job well done.

We Were Young

The caption says it all.

College Graduation Capture May 2004
College Graduation Capture May 2004 (Bob brought a bunch of pictures over last month and included was an envelope with pictures from my college graduation. It was nice to see the light in my mom’s face. This was before she really got sick and stopped working.) I liked it so much I took a picture of the picture with my cell phone so I could keep it with me. You can kind of see how large I was then. This is about 5 months before I started working out and trying to lose weight post-college. Even though I don’t like how I look so much, I like this picture.

Intentions

I started reading a new book last night. One of the things it mentions is setting your intenions for the day when you wake up. I thought this went nicely with the “write it down” challenge.

Originally, I requested PTO for today. It’s my mom’s birthday. I wasn’t sure if I’d lose my shit at some point, or just find a general inability to focus. I’m an inappropriate expresser of emotion. That is, I explode publically or cry at odd moments, thus making a lasting, and totally respectable impression on those around me. Last week I decided that I could, in fact, make it through the day without any dramatic outbursts or embarrassing misty-eyed public moments. AND, I decided, I would be better served by taking Friday off and having a 3-day weekend.

So my intentions for the day are as follows:

  • Get some work done (I’ve been doing okay on that front.) Be present at work.
  • Control my eating. Do not give in to temptations of comfort food and drinks. Do not try to soothe my physical, mental, or spiritual self with food. Be mindful of my goals. (I’ll be posting my food again tonight or tomorrow, but I’m eating a salad thanks to Cosentino’s right now.)
  • Follow-through with my workout. I’m planning to do that interval deal from Monday followed by yoga. I have trouble relaxing but there is something about the Wednesday night yoga class after a hard run that really works. I’ll probably cry inappropriately during Savasana, but it so wouldn’t be the first time.
  • Take time to sit quietly and remember my mom. She was beautiful in every way. Life is not perfect, people are not perfect, relationships are not perfect. But I would never trade for a different mom or a different life.

Internet, you now know my intentions for today. I sincerely want both to pack up, head home, and lie around with M&Ms and stick to these intentions. Choice is mine.

I’m calling on my “I don’t wanna” or “negative nancy” spirit animal: The Happy Puppy. This is what I will be using to help keep me going today. Because who can’t learn from a happy puppy?

P.S. There has been at least one time in recent memory where packing up, heading home, and lying around with M&Ms was the right choice. Sometimes you just gotta.

I Love Food

Oh yes, I do. I do love food. And I eat a lot of it.

One of our challenge components for this week is “write it down.” Yesterday, I wrote down my intended workout and then I wrote down the result. I had to follow-through after putting it out there on the Internet. [Point of order: Are we still capitalizing “Internet?” A stiff thumbs up to anyone who can tell me the proper style.]

Today, I’m sharing my food with you – in pictures. You might already know that I track what I consume on MyFitnessPal and that I keep my “food diary” open to the public. Why hide it? If I’m eating too much or not tracking it’s going to show on my body and in my mood. No hiding from it. So why not let everyone see what I eat? Anyway. I was lax last week with my food consumption and tracking. I had a few dark spots on the tracker where I simply didn’t bother to input what I ate. I did still manage a loss in the scale department and I was still working out. Anyway (again), I wanted to use this as one of my ways of being accountable for tracking and monitoring what I’m consuming. I also measure and weigh my food (mushrooms and greens are generally the only exceptions to that rule.)

I’ve basically consumed the same things today that I ate yesterday. So, let us begin.

Breakfast

oatmeal with frozen strawberries
Breakfast both days: Gluten Free Oatmeal with Frozen Strawberries, vanilla extract, and cinnamon. Put it all in a bowl, add water, microwave for 3 minutes. Stir and break out the strawberries into whatever size you like. This picture is pre-stirring.
coffee
Coffee. Black. 1 Dark Magic + 1 Decaf Breakfast Blend (yes, I drank half-caf.) I’m breaking my {expensive} latte addiction.

Snacks (between meals and pre/post workout)

This is everything I ate that wasn’t at a regular “meal.”

snack
Eaten at different times. Organic banana (Mon & Tues) and KIND bar (Madagascar Vanilla.)
afternoon snack
Unsweetened Passionfruit Tea from Starbucks (grande) – Monday
Greek yogurt with fresh blueberries (Monday and Tuesday) – Monday, I had a Chobani Non-Fat Honey yogurt so I used that. Tuesday I had plain Fage 0% (1/2 cup) and added vanilla extract and cinnamon. Please note: vanilla extract and cinnamon are magical and wonderful. I keep some of both in my lunch bag at all times.
udis-cinn-raisin-bread
Udi’s Gluten Free Cinnamon Raisin Bread. My other processed bit of joy. This is easy and quick for me first thing when I need to eat something before heading to the gym to train with Cheryl. It’s a splurge for me both because of the cost and because it’s got more than 5 ingredients and it’s sweet and it’s BREAD!

Lunch

I ate the exact same thing both days. It was leftover from cooking on Friday night.

lunch
This was a stuffed red pepper. I cut it up and such because I’m civilized. The innards: white rice (when I make these again I’ll use brown rice or quinoa – we only had white rice on hand), corn (a grain, not a vegetable), black beans (one of my staples), Pace Picante (no fake junk and no sugar added), cojack shredded cheese. Delicious. Stuffing things is excellent. I plan to continue stuffing things. (except animals because I don’t eat them)

Dinner

Tonight’s egg white omelet was better that last night’s egg white omelet. This is one of my standard dinners because it’s easy, it’s variable, you can add a lot of veggies, and you get protein. The egg whites are sort of a vehicle for the veggies, herbs, and spices. I never add salt. With the right herbs and spice YOU DO NOT NEED SALT.  [While we’re at it, I don’t add sugar or fake sugar to things either. Trust me, you CAN live without it if you learn how to creatively use a few things – vanilla extract and cinnamon!] Sorry, for the preaching.

omelet
Tonight’s Egg White Omelet: 3/4 cup egg white, ground white pepper, rosemary, thyme, shredded italian cheese blend (my one processed bit of sadness and joy), super greens, diced garlic, yellow onion, baby bella mushrooms, and grape tomato. I cooked the garlic, onion, and mushrooms with an olive oil spray and some white wine vinegar. After they were sufficiently cooked, I poured the egg in and then sprinkled the herbs and pepper in. Cook, cook, cook. Then sprinkle the cheese, then tear and add the super greens. Top with sliced grape tomato! YUM. (last night was just spinach, egg whites, herbs & spices, and swiss cheese because I ran out of stuff.)

Dessert & other

So, I live in moderation. That means I allow myself a little bit daily (or near daily) of what I crave or love so I won’t go bat shit crazy and binge. [Full confession: I binged on plain M&Ms on Sunday. But I moved on.]

I like unsweetened coconut milk a lot. I tried to replenish my supply at the grocery store tonight and they no longer had it. I was unhappy. I ended up with some unsweetened almond milk.

I also allow myself one of these every (or nearly every) night:

dark chocolate bar
Ingredients:
Natural Chocolate Liquor (Non-Alcoholic), Evaporated Cane Juice, Non-Dairy Cocoa Butter
Allergen Info
MADE IN A DEDICATED NUT- AND GLUTEN-FREE FACILITY, GLUTEN-FREE, CASEIN-FREE, VEGAN, KOSHER

So, there you have it. That’s what I consume. Last night I only had half of the dark chocolate bar. Tonight, I’ll probably eat a full one. 170 calories. I now boast quite an assortment of herbs and spices due to my cooking and eating whole foods habit. Honestly, it is so much better than things from boxes, cans, bags, and chain restaurants. (I exclude a few restaurants because there are places that are magnificent.) I just like knowing what I’m putting in my body since I have bad reactions to (aka am intolerant to) multiple things that are used FREQUENTLY in processed food. (soy, gluten, meat)

Not pictured: Water x LOTS

P.S. If you use MyFitnessPal feel free to add me as a friend! Trmndsblndtte

I Didn’t Die

Just in case you were wondering: I didn’t die.

I did run intervals per the last post, but I discovered that 8.0 on the treadmill is not meant for me. I’m pretty sure whoever wrote the intervals was not 5’3″.

I alternated 4.9/5.0 and 5.9/6.0 and then ran at 5.0 for the 5 minute stint. Really focused on exaggerating my breathing to get into the deep breathing and train my muscles (shallow breathing = bad, apparently.)

Definitely felt worked out after this.

She’s Got Goals and She Knows How to Use Them

Well, it’s halfway through July. Yep. The month is half over. So, it is time to check back on my goals for the month.

“do something nice for someone each week.”

I’m not doing a good job keeping track of this, but I’m trying to be mindful and helpful where possible.

I did do one thing that really counts and that makes me happy.

paying forward simple things that have be instrumental to my success or that simply made me smile or bolstered my spirit.

Whenever I can encourage, I’m trying. I’ve been trying to do the things for people that have helped me.

work on the weakness that has shaped so much of my life. I have to reach out to new people. Social anxiety be damned!

Man. I am not good at people. Hi, let’s all introduce ourselves and become instead best buddies = everyone else at the tables. I tried a few times to be less awkward, but I’m just not that good at starting conversations and talking about myself is not very natural. I feel like I’m pretty boring. I don’t go out a lot (expensive, harder to figure out dietary things, etc), I LIKE being at home, my hobbies include: cats, books, internets, cooking, and exercise. I’m not very loud. (I guess that’s not wholly bad.)

I am now also contemplating joining a running group in Kansas City. I bought new running shoes yesterday and the person who helped me told me about the group. It would be a good way for me to work on two things at once: running goals and social goals.

Maybe I should picture every person as a dog or cat or cow or deer or bunny? Would that help? (Get it? Like how “they” tell you to picture the audience naked if you have stage fright.)

the ongoing goal – keep working on my housekeeping.

I’m still keeping up with my laundry, so that’s good.

fitness goals. I completed my first 5k this weekend and I’m doing my 2nd and 3rd this month. My goal? To complete both and do my best.

I finished all three 5ks! I had my best time on the second one.

I’m now planning more.

 

Yoga.  keep pushing myself to try.

I missed yoga last week due to needing a rest day.

 

push myself to do all of the strength components, everyday, for the entire month

Haven’t done them all, but at least I’m not ignoring them. They usually make good warm-ups for cardio.

 

1000 Reasons I Am Awesome

First, the humble side of me needs to tell you that I stole the title of this post from an email. (This now reminds me too much of Ana’s “inner goddess” from Fifty Shades of Grey. Why did I just admit to knowing anything about that book?)

Second, this post is in response to my Lamentations on motivation.

Essentially, I need to focus on the awesome that I’ve achieved. This was not my idea, but Cheryl’s. Just talking about it made me feel better. So, I’m forcing myself to focus on positive things. Good things. Things which I have achieved.

  1. I’ve lost 64 pounds through healthy methods.
  2. I’ve inspired others to make healthy changes in their lives by adding exercise or working toward a fitness goal.
  3. I’ve completed three 5k runs and I’m going to train for a half marathon.
  4. I can run a mile for the first time in my life. (and not feel like I’m dying)
  5. There are no longer X’s preceding the size in my shirts.
  6. I can lift heavy things.
  7. I can carry big things of water bottles up stairs.
  8. I am sticking to my gluten free/soy free dietary needs and not “cheating.”
  9. I’m trying to be a better person by doing nice things for people.
  10. I eat a balanced diet, including lots of fruits and vegetables.
  11. I try to cook most of my own food.
  12. People always comment on the freshness and yumminess of my food at work and that makes me proud and (shyly) smiley.
  13. I chose walking instead of driving.
  14. I’m challenging myself.
  15. I’ve tried new things instead of running away. (and if you read above, you know that I can now run, so…)
  16. I come back from any dalliances (I make myself get back on track if I have a bad day or week or so)
  17. I didn’t let some major life events demolish me; instead I let them strengthen me.

That’s all I have right now. You should all watch this video that was left in the comments of my anxiety/fear-laden last post: Look, I can be a sark!

In Which There is Self Doubt

I’m at an important point in my “journey.” This is where I usually stall out or backslide. aka FAIL. FAIL FAIL FAIL. FAIL FAIL FAIL. flop.

I am determined to push through. I am determined to succeed this time. Right? Am I? I am?

The last 2 weeks my motivation and self confidence have been tenuous. Keeping the “but I WANT” voice of my inner child quiet has been more challenging than it was a month ago. I am working on a new self definition. Sometimes I do not believe I am who I am. I enjoy exercise. I enjoy cooking and eating healthy. I enjoy being a morning person (mornings are just this wonderful combination of peace and energy – so much possibility!) I enjoy that some of my best friends are four-legged (and snuggly!) I love lying around with a book and a cat or 3. I’m not much for crowds. I’m still shy and awkward with people until I really know them (that hasn’t changed much.)

Am I seeking to soothe something? Am I just tired? The mental and emotional aspects of such drastic lifestyle changes cannot be negated. My life was not what it was because I was happy, healthy, and fit. Losing weight and having a healthier body doesn’t fix the rest of me – but it sure helps.  Working on one or two things every month helps. That focus is critical.

In all of the self doubt and fear, this is a cloud of inspiration descending. It is a pushy cloud. It both envelopes and consumes me. Several people told me they’ve been inspired by my progress. And others are inspired by having a goal to share and the pride that comes with achieving something through hard work that they never thought they could do. YES! We are STRONG.

As I try to get myself back in a positive groove, I think about these people. They motivate me to be more. So, keep being awesome people. Because right now? I need some of your awesomeness to remind why I live the way I do now.

I do not know what will become of me if I slip backwards or get stuck. And I’m frightened.

Focusing on Weakness

It’s a new month so it’s time for new goals.

My favorite goal from June was “do something nice for someone each week.” I don’t think I did as well as I could have. A big part of doing well with this goal is pulling my head out of my own life and thoughts and focusing on the world and people around me. It means really listening to and absorbing what is going beyond just words people are saying – what are they doing? Do they seem tense? Stressed? Tired?

This goal also involves thinking about things I would like people to do for me. My imagination has always been somewhat vivid and until recently was the most active thing about me. (And it’s still pretty active.) What kind of things have I dreamed up? Why not make them real?

The third component is paying forward simple things that have be instrumental to my success or that simply made me smile or bolstered my spirit.

Yes, this is my FAVORITE goal. Because making people happy is so rewarding.

The theme of this month’s challenge seems to be targeting weaknesses. I’ve spent all day thinking about what my biggest weaknesses are. I’ve been consuming more sugar. I don’t want to say no to going out with friends when it comes up because I might not get to again or I might upset them. I haven’t been good about my sleep schedule (not getting to sleep early enough.) I haven’t been packing my lunches. But one of the biggest weaknesses I have is my shyness. So my second goal is to work on the weakness that has shaped so much of my life. I have to reach out to new people. Social anxiety be damned!

And my last goal – the ongoing goal – keep working on my housekeeping. I spent yesterday cleaning my carpets and it was MAGICAL. And not so terrible. I borrowed my friend’s Spot Bot and set to work. I vacuumed, scraped cat hair, and scrubbed spots by hand.

Okay, I lied. I still have another set of goals: my fitness goals. I completed my first 5k this weekend and I’m doing my 2nd and 3rd this month. My goal? To complete both and do my best. Yoga. My goal is to keep pushing myself to try. I’m still trying to get the flow of Sun Salutations. I didn’t master it in June, but I didn’t try hard enough. So this month, I try every class instead of skipping to down dog. And lastly, I push myself to do all of the strength components, everyday, for the entire month.

So there we go. Goals. I has them.