I Don’t Wanna

I don’t want to do jump squats today. I keep trying to find a way to get out of them. I’m afraid of them. I’m lazy. I’m tired. I. DON’T. WANNA.

But here’s what happens tonight when I try to go to sleep if I don’t do them:

“I should have tried. Why didn’t I try?”

“I could have done it. Right? Guess I won’t know. I could have. I bet I could have.”

“Fail.”

“I suck.”

And my favorite – truly, my favorite:

“Why didn’t I try?”

And then I won’t sleep well. And I NEED to sleep well tonight. I already modified my workout plan to account for the fact that I need to get to bed (and ultimately to sleep) earlier and to eat dinner before 8 or 9pm.

So, tonight I will not be saying those things. I may not make it through 100 – but I am going to do my best because I don’t want to keep questioning whether I can do it. I want to know.

Like on Tuesday when I didn’t make it past 30 seconds on my second and third planks. I held the first for a minute. I BET I could have gone longer on the last two. But I hit that 30 second mark and I just gave in. I quit. I didn’t push myself that extra bit further.

The extra bit is what really counts. It’s what gives me that hope and encouragement and confidence to keep going. To look down the road and not veer back toward where I’ve come from.

Constant hard work keeps me motivated and focused. So maybe I don’t wanna, but I needa.

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