The Best Cleanse Ever

It really works!

Okay, a new year started and suddenly the word “cleanse” is all over my internets: Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc.

Cleanse is a marketing buzz word. That’s it. It’s not magic, but it’s not hype either. A good “cleanse” will actually help you lose “weight” and feel better.

Here’s why:

  • They cut coffee and caffeinated beverages:  In addition to adding cognitive clarity and boosting energy, caffeine stimulates appetite making you feel hungrier, and caffeine speeds up the digestive process – and not necessarily in a good way.
  • They cut soda (pop) and carbonated beverages:  Regular soda is full of sugar which is terrible in excess. All soda is full of acid that is awful for your teeth and chemicals that your body has trouble processing. Soda and carbonated beverages also cause bloating – you’re drinking gas, expect to be gassy. It takes up volume in your gut. Also, I hate artificial sweeteners.
  • They cut alcohol:  Empty calories. No real nutritional benefit (aside from wine which when consumed in moderation has been shown to be beneficial.) Other than its direct impact, alcohol is almost always a gateway to eating more, and often not the best choices. It also screws with digestion and liver and kidney processes. I like booze. I do not like hangovers. Or eating an extra meal because I stayed up late drinking.
  • They cut processed foods:  If your food doesn’t get moldy you probably shouldn’t be putting it in your body. All those chemicals interfere with nature. Processed foods are laden with sugar, sodium, fake color, and preservatives. They strip foods of the natural things that make them well, natural, and they add things that aren’t meant to be consumed (I’m a non-fan of foods with “added” fiber. There are great sources of natural fiber that won’t leave your gut feeling like someone is stabbing it and making you and anyone near you wonder why your ass sounds like a giant sheet of bubble wrap.) No thanks.
  • They focus on vegetables: This is one of the most basic things you can do to boost your health. If I had to pick two things off this list to tell someone to change immediately, this would be second only to drink more water. Once you focus on veggies you will likely naturally cut some of the processed foods (and then you can cut them altogether.)
  • They focus on lean sources of protein: Filling. Healthy. Yay muscles!
  • They focus on adding vitamins, minerals, and pre/pro-biotics: I put all three in one. These are things your body needs to work properly. Focusing on veggies will help with this. Building and repairing cells is helpful in oh, I don’t know, staying alive. Getting more of these things will improve your skin and vitality.
  • They focus on drinking lots and lots of water: This is step number one for anyone looking to increase health. The more water you drink the less other crap (like soda) you will drink. Trust me, you really can give up soda. I drink it maybe twice a month if even that often. I won’t preach here. I’ve already been leaning that way. We all know drinking water is good for our bodies. (and stop adding all those artificial sweetener flavor packets! Yes, they taste good, but they are fake. blarg. Squeeze some lemon or lime instead. And yes, I have a bunch of the packets. I caved and used them but they make me feel awful so I stopped using them. Really, they made my face all hot and red.)
  • They “encourage” you to move:  Who knew moving burned calories?

Guys and Gals, this is what we should be doing anyway.

I’m fat. I got and stayed here for a lot of reasons. Well basically, not doing enough of the the things listed above consistently enough. I have been extra sensitive to this the last week or so because of the changes in my routine. My whole schedule of working out, cooking, and eating was thrown off when my mom died. Like I said in my last post, I’m trying to “get back on the horse.” I wish there was a magic bullet. But getting back into cooking and doing all the stuff above is hard. I find myself eating breakfast and then not eating again until dinner. Terrible for my metabolism. I don’t feel good this way. I’m bloated. I keep reaching for sugar but my body doesn’t want it. Anyhow, today, so far so good.

I’m not saying you should completely cut all of these things all of the time. I drink coffee. (I did give up caffeine early in 2011 for a while. After the first days of fogginess, I actually felt great. Caffeine influeces your system for up to 5 hours after you consume it. Not sleeping well at night? What are you drinking and when?) I occasionally eat things like “bars” from Kashi or sweets or drink a pop.

I just think it’s funny that people think “cleanse” is a noun. It’s a verb. Always was, always will be. Cleanse yourself. Put good things in your body. Stay clean.

So, people who have done a “cleanse” – did I get it right? What am I missing? Am I full of shit? Thoughts and comments are welcome.


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