Following my post this morning, I felt both lighter and quite irritable. Why was I so negative? What was causing me to feel so tense?
After an odd nap, an episode of Downton Abbey, and a bit of laundry, it worked itself out.
Do you remember that scene in Good Will Hunting where Ben Affleck’s character tells Matt Damon how he’d kill for Matt’s gift?
Chuckie: No. No, no no no. Fuck you, you don’t owe it to yourself man, you owe it to me. Cuz tomorrow I’m gonna wake up and I’ll be 50, and I’ll still be doin’ this shit. And that’s all right. That’s fine. I mean, you’re sittin’ on a winnin’ lottery ticket. And you’re too much of a pussy to cash it in, and that’s bullshit. ‘Cause I’d do fuckin’ anything to have what you got. So would any of these fuckin’ guys. It’d be an insult to us if you’re still here in 20 years. Hangin’ around here is a fuckin’ waste of your time.
When we have a chance to do something we can’t just think about ourselves. I wrote earlier today about my confusion and fear. What I forgot to think about was the upside. A different “what if?” And while I owe it to myself to take an opportunity, to try, to make a real effort – even though it’s not easy – shouldn’t I jump in? And don’t I owe it to the people who support me, love me, give me friendship? Because I need to be there for them when they need support, love, and friendship.
Those thoughts, those are the thoughts that have to ring clear. Those thoughts have to hop, hop, hop to the top. Those thoughts are what sent me on this current path.