I’m Real

So far there are no real epiphanies. I feel better except for the pain I’ve had in my hip, then in my knees (yeah, it happens when you get old), but my head and heart are having trouble catching up to the progress I’m making physically. I don’t find myself happier. In fact, I’ve actually been slightly cantankerous.

There is just a lot hard work. Rewarding, but hard. Most days, I spend several hours mentally gearing up to go to the gym. I don’t give myself the choice about whether I workout or not – but I do give myself the choice of what I do. Without that choice and variety, I don’t think I could stick with it.

Everyday I fear that I will quit. That I will never succeed. Or that I will only get half way there like I’ve done previously. I don’t want to go through this again.

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