One Foot

Today, I ran. It might sound like a small thing, but to me it’s huge. I ran. I ran and I didn’t feel like I wanted to die. I didn’t feel like I was flapping around awkwardly. I felt my feet coming off the treadmill, my heart pumping, and my breath coming out in metered beats. I ran.

I really have to thank 2 people: Jillian Michaels and myself. I’ve been doing the 30 Day Shred at home which focuses on 3 minutes of strength exercise (using compound movements to upper and lower body), 2 minutes of cardio (I do loathe the jumping jacks), and 1 minute of abs. The workout is short but intense and focuses on the entire body. It makes me work everything – not just the stuff that’s easy for me. I sweat through push ups and try to zone out during the dreaded jumping jacks. But what I get most is complete training. I get to improve the weak stuff. At the gym I gravitate to the exercises that are most comfortable for me – either because I’m familiar with them, or because they are the easiest for me. That is just cheating myself out of true breakthroughs. The week before last all of the treadmills were in use and my only option was the elliptical. I hate the elliptical. But, it’s what was open so I said “fuck it – let’s do this.” And the next time I went to the gym, I chose the elliptical. The challenge was on.

I can’t negate my own force in this. I am making choices. I choose to eat properly. I choose to push myself to workout.

Five years ago, I used to run. I ran on treadmills, tracks, and at parks. I wasn’t great, but I did it anyway. It made me feel accomplished, strong, and confident. I remember the first time I kicked the treadmill up over 4.0 back then and ran. I wasn’t expecting my abs to be sore, but they were.

I made choices that kept me from running and keeping fit. When I started my current job I let it consume me. I changed. My boss thinks that my position has outgrown me, but really, I’ve just changed my focus. I was giving almost all of myself – everything I had – to my job, my clients, my coworkers.  And they let me. Work was almost my entire world. It was not healthy. That struggle between the expectations and demands of my career and those of my LIFE have caused conflict, depression, guilt, and anger over the last 9 months.

This head, heart, and body are going to be with me no matter where I am – so I better take care of them.


Update Number One

I’ve been wearing the BodyMedia FIT armband for less than 24 hours. So far I find it comfortable and I forget I’m wearing it – even when I’m doing the Shred.

From Midnight til about 4 (when I took the band off to shower) I burned just over 1900 calories. That includes the 34 – 40 minutes of work out time.

The reviews about the meal tracking seem to be spot on – it just doesn’t compare to Livestrong, SparkPeople, or Weight Watchers. That’s okay. I have ways around that. Obviously because every nerd girl needs data, I can export the data from my armband and from my Livestrong account and merge them. Not hard and I get to play with Excel for my own personal gain (or loss.)

Also interesting, I only slept for 5.25 hours.

Every Nerd Needs Data

I try to balance my logical and analytical side with my emotional side every day. I notice a less than harmonious existence in my physical life most of the time. Excuse me, by physical life I mean, what I eat, drink, how much and when I sleep, etc. Trying to balance “listening to your body” and calculating what you should or can do can be overwhelming. It’s frequently why I throw my arms up and listen to the old habits.

I bought the BodyMedia FIT Armband after reading about how it helped our favorite Fat Girl vs. World.  Constantly finding other people who dealt with the same issues is helpful. They did it. They can. Sometimes that is enough to get me off the couch.

So what does that thing do? It’s  a monitor that will help track how I’m sleeping, how many calories I’m burning, and how many calories I’m eating. I currently track food in 2 places:  Weight Watcher Online and LiveStrong. I was using SparkPeople, but found that LiveStrong offers a better variety of pre-programmed items – which means less adding them myself.

I’m also getting obsessed with the show “I Used to be Fat” on MTV. Instead of working with a trainer, I’m trying to be my own, but I wonder if that’s a mistake. Trainers give you push, props, and progress. In order to be successful, I have to find those things elsewhere.


For those of you who do not know, I went vegan for several months a few years ago. I’d found my eating was out of control and I was unhappy with my body and how I felt so I took my solution to the extreme – no animal products of any kind. I found some yummy things along the way and I still enjoy a few vegan products now and again.

Some may say I went vegan solely for control, much like a binger and purger or an anorexic. I didn’t become vegan out of a deep seated love of animals (though, I really like animals) or based on an ethical or environmental purpose. I became vegan because I had to become something.

I had to find some way to reconnect my body to health. When I’m not eating healthfully, I feel weighed down – nay – PULLED down from my core to the floor. Moving away from that is incredibly tough. It takes more effort to push and pull yourself from one place to the next. It becomes easier to keep to old habits rather than find a way to deal with “newness.”

This Year in Sickness and in Health

or this Year in Fitness.

Being healthy is a vow you make to yourself. It will challenge you against temptation, it will test your boundaries, bring you tremendous highs, sickening lows, and hopefully, you’d never wish it any other way.

I started 2010 with an irrational fear of aging. I was suddenly staring at my life wondering where it was going and where I would be in 5 years, 10 years, 40 years, if I kept going exactly the same way. What I saw was lonely.

My goals in life are pretty simple:  to have a family and be healthy. The end. I’ve been very lucky to have a successful career and feel the satisfaction and reward that comes with life experiences and achievement.

I noticed that I began making fun of myself for my weight or pointing out to others that I know I’m fat. I did it just today. Why do I have to define myself in terms of the extra weight? I’m so much more.