Too Much

Dear Internet,

I am overwhelmed. Pure and simple. I have too much going on at work, too much going on with my house, and there’s Christmas.

This all means I’m having a lot of trouble prioritizing workouts.  Something has to change. One thing at a time.

I need to clean my kitchen. Put away the Christmas bins. Buy a new dryer. Get rid of the old dryer. All that work. So much work. Vacuum. Do all that laundry. Visit Oma over the weekend. Finish Christmas shopping. Wrap. Ship. Keep cats from destroying $60 tree. Sleep. Eat healthy.

I just don’t know how I’m going to get it all done and I feel a bit like I’m fluttering above all of it not able to settle .

To get healthy/be healthy I feel like I have to focus my entire life around it, but I don’t have time for that. There’s so much other stuff to do. When am I actually “living?”

Having trouble coping,

Katie

Shiney and New

Things I did today: ate half a bag of peanut M&Ms, logged into my Weight Watchers account for the first time in months (I got bored and disenchanted with points – see also: ANGSTY – and switched to SparkPeople exclusively), bought approximately $45 worth of candy for stockings and holiday gatherings and then felt guilty for spending money and for buying junk food, read a bunch of posts on Fit Bottomed Girls and thought “I can do that!.”

ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS! Well, okay, there’s an interesting discord in the events of my day. I also napped (actually, I fell asleep with my computer) while reading fitness blogs and thinking about working out.

On to the real point. If I really want to succeed and change myself and my life, I have to get my thoughts, emotions, and actions in sync. One of the posts I read on FBG today was about understanding why you’ve gained weight. In the past 5 years, I’ve gained 61 lbs. In the past year alone, I’ve gained 30. Not only am I compromising my health, I’m compromising my present and future sense of fulfillment and joy. I am not living my life fully. I am cheating myself out of the items that mean the most to me. And I know that everyday I don’t change, is another day closer to losing the chance at the life I want. I’m not just talking about “being skinny.”  My goal is to be healthy – to be active. To do simple everyday things without a second thought or discomfort. To get married and have kids.

To achieve, I must draw lines and make choices. I expect 2011 to be quite an interesting year so stay tuned and keep reading and commenting because really? That connection and support helps more than anyone can know.

In Which I Profess My Love for Eminem

I’ve secretly harbored a “like” of Eminem for years. Even in the college days when we made fun of our friend’s wanna-be boyfriend. (I feel really guilty about that.) Lately, I’ve discovered a lot of Eminem’s songs are fantastic work out music. The anger, the urgency, and the soul-spitting need to make each beat count translate directly into the fire it takes to keep going, keep breathing. Till I collapse because I won’t back down.

Also, I really love M&Ms. Coincidence? You be the judge.