I was checking my email yesterday
a few days a month or so ago and came across the daily Jillian Michaels email. One of the articles is about fixing negative self talk – which was entirely pertinent to my current state. We all know I’ve put on a lot of weight in the past few years. New weight that replaced the old weight. Any how, I spend a lot of time trying not to put myself down. It’s very hard to be motivated when you constantly feel awful about yourself. The article has you answer several questions to evaluate your thinking.
- Do you have a negative self-image?
Do you constantly say things like “I’m fat” or “I’m ugly”? Do you pick yourself apart and beat yourself up when you look in the mirror?
Gee, you mean it’s not healthy that I stare at my gut ALL THE TIME. “Is it protruding obviously?” Sure, I do pick myself apart to such an extent that I’m sometimes surprised – no, FREQUENTLY – surprised when I look in the mirror and don’t see an ugly elephant. “Oh gee! I’m kinda pretty.”
- Do you lack self-confidence?
Do you doubt your ability to achieve your goals, weight related or otherwise? Do you dwell on your perceived limits or fears? Do you doubt your ability to accomplish the things you want to accomplish?
This is a point with which I really struggle because I’ve worked hard and lost a lot of weight on several occasions. I know I’m capable, but I still doubt myself. And that doubt usually opens the door to excuses which lead to bad decisions.
- Do you feel powerless?
Do you feel as if you have no control over your life, or do you rely on excuses like “I’m genetically predisposed to being overweight”?
Interestingly enough, I feel completely empowered. I am a control freak. I know that I control my actions. Sure, maybe there is some sort of biological element to my weight which means I have to work harder and sweat more to maintain a healthy body, but boo-fucking-whoo. I have plenty of other things at which I don’t have to work so hard to be successful.
- Do you label yourself in self-deprecating ways?
Do you think and talk about your failure to lose weight as a foregone conclusion? Do you refer to yourself mockingly (or not!) as a stereotype — the happy/funny fat person in the room? Is your e-mail address “firstname.lastname@example.org”?
I named this blog “Fat Lady Katie” and in thinking back to how I got that name and why in the hell I used it, well…I honestly don’t know other than it had a certain ring to it, my name is Katie, and I’m fat and trying to lose weight so I’m not fat – and more importantly, so I don’t think of myself only in terms of my weight.