Listen Up

A man once told me I would never be skinny. He wasn’t trying to offend me or put me down in any way. In fact, he found my body, soft, squishy, and full of pooches to be sexy. That relationship may be over, but his words creep up more often than I’d like.

Feeling good mentally, emotionally, and physically usually correlates directly to action. If I make choices that make my body hum along, I tend to want to hum along with it – all day. with a grin and, yes, even a cliched skip in my step.

Whenever I think or write about how I feel, I always come back to two truths:  It’s about what I tell myself I can do, and what I actually do. That’s life. If I sit around on my couch crying and saying, “I’m scared” or “I can’t” or even “I will never” then I won’t. But if I tell myself I can, and I get off the couch and try, I chip away at the fear.

Yes, I fear the repetition of mistakes and a never ending cycle of trying and never quite reaching my goals. The goal takes time. A lot of time. I can’t expect to lose 120 lbs in 3 months. But as my counselor used to tell me when I poured out my teenage, fat girl heart, “the time is going to pass anyway.”

So, will I ever be skinny? I guess that’s really only up to me.

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