Zombie, Zombie

But you see, it’s not me, it’s not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying…

In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie,
Hey, hey, hey. What’s in your head,
In your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, dou, dou, dou, dou, dou…

~ Cranberries, “Zombie”

Today was all about the fighting in my head. It’s the hardest part about making a lifestyle change and committing to the habits that will help me lose the 120 pounds that I want to lose. I have smaller goals along the way, but I am trying to lose a whole person. Egad.

It’s so easy to second guess myself about everything and to obsess over every number. Did I do enough of X strength training? Did I do enough cardio at enough intensity? Did I eat too many calories? Were they good calories? Am I meeting all of my nutritional goals?

It gets loud in my head. Very loud. I can’t decide on dinner because my gut (ha!) instinct and “craving” says one thing, but I also want to make sure I’m keeping up on nutrition, eating something filling, and not wasting my calories.

One of the first rules of surviving a Zombie attack is cardio. I did weight training earlier today, but as I was driving in the early evening, I felt the need to be outside walking, running, and dancing. I imagined a world where I was outside playing with kids. I’d have trouble with that in my current size. Hence, cardio.

Tonight’s cardio served two purposes:  1) do something to stop thinking about what I was going to eat and 2) help me get in better shape. My cardio of choice was Couch to 5k. It’s an app that will help you train to run a 5k after 9 weeks. I only had to run a total of 5 minutes during the 30 minute session, but I was struggling at first. I’ve always wanted to be a “runner.” To glide and stride and feel agile and lithe. When I was running 5 years ago, it was still mixed with walking and I never quite felt that full body harmony. It was always a great effort.

As I was finishing my cool down, I passed a man running. We smiled and waved. I’m going to make it to the other side.

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