I haven’t worked out since the day before the toe breakage. I spent a Friday two weeks ago cleaning and rearranging furniture (and almost being killed by stormy weather.) That was the most exercise I’ve gotten – it also proved painful for my healing toe, which was not happy to be pushed into shoes, and which certainly both loved and hated being removed from shoes.

My biggest fear whenever I start something is not finishing. I’ve been down that road at least twice with respect to getting to a healthy weight and maintaining a healthy life. I find myself wondering why I can be disciplined in some areas (work and um, work) and not in others (housekeeping and health.) Is it because I want work more than I want a comfortable home and body?

I know there are things I have to face about myself before I will ever be successful. Life will not magically change by losing weight and being healthy. Life will not magically change if my house is always tidy and well decorated.

So what is it I’m really after? And am I afraid to get it?


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