Round Up

…because the word round has so many meanings on a blog about being fat…

I survived my trip to NYC without completing getting off track. The brilliant thing about NYC is that you end up walking a lot so I was still able to log some “movement” time.  Did it make up for the partial desserts I savored? Nah, but at least I was moving.

I’m not sitting at home now in a shame spiral, completely demotivated and instead of feeling happy, I just feel “not guilty.”

One important tracking update – I pretty much switched to using Spark People exclusively for tracking my nutrition and exercise. I was feeling very grumpy and unhappy with the Weight Watchers Points (even though I had a fair amount of them.) I felt like they really restricted me too much and I’d rather just look at the calorie count, fat, carbs, and protein. Since I’ve switched, I’ve been feeling a lot better and my hunger is much more in check.

I had an amazing Saturday morning workout filled with strength training and kick-butt cardio, followed promptly by a skinny latte and a balanced breakfast. Oh yes, I got to the gym by 8am. I was much grumpier on Sunday, but I managed to lug myself to the gym and get some strength training in before I had to pack and jet off to NYC for work.

And that’s the round up.

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Succubus

My attitude sucks. Eating right and exercising should be having a positive impact on my mood…only they’re not. Yesterday, I got up and was at the gym by 8am. I kicked ass and followed-up with a great protein rich breakfast.

The rest of the day I was proud of what I’d done.

Today, I woke up and could hardly drag myself out of bed and I was in a foul mood. After lazing about the house for an hour or two, I got off my ass and went to the gym. I focused on my arms and upper back and didn’t do any cardio. I feel like a failure for that.

So I suppose the whole point of this? You gotta get your head and heart in the game. I have no idea if I was projecting my negativity to the few people who were also at the gym, but I sure got out of there fast.

Promise of New Day

Can you hear the strains of Paula Abdul? “Promise (promise!), promise of a new day! ” It’s what I have to tell myself every day. This is just one day. (I could have quoted Gone With the Wind and/or Annie too!)

Today was not particularly good.  Normally, I would have “treated” myself in some way with food and sat around my living room in an effort to feel better…happy. Instead, I munched on dehydrated apples, went to the gym after work (don’t praise me too much – I only did 35 minutes on the treadmill because I had a headache), and I ate a salad for dinner. (oh, and my lunch? BROCCOLI and a black bean patty)

I DID NOT GIVE IN. I did not let my emotions dictate my diet. And it was HARD. It’s so easy to say “oh well it was a bad day, you got yelled at…here have an ice cream.” So smooth! So sweet! There, there. So silky. mmm. Hard to cry when you’re eating ice cream!

What I really learned today is that ultimately, I am accountable to me and me alone. This is my life and no one can live it for me. (except my clone. If I ever get one.)

Guiltly Grip

I did not go to the gym today. I was STARVING (American style) on my way home from work, so I debated a salad vs. Subway (aka tortuously waffled as I sat in the storm induced highway standstill) and ended up at Subway.  I decided today would be a rest day. Yesterday I put in a good showing at the gym with my 50 minutes of treadmill time and my quad machine and inclined leg press madness. I discovered that 8pm on Monday is “guy time” at my gym, where all the men show up, mill about, occasionally grunt, dramatically drop weights, drink from gallon jugs of water, and sometimes lift a weight or two. I judge not. They have their purpose and goals and I have mine.

I am worried that I’m becoming obsessed with food and exercise. I have addictive and obsessive tendencies so I have to figure out how to relax, enjoy life, and still ensure I am achieving my goals. I felt pretty crappy after eating well, exercising and then posting a weight gain this morning.

I have to hope it’s poop, water, or muscle. But I fear it’s just fat and that despite all the effort, I’m failing and I have to cut back my diet more (not sure that’s possible as I’m working at skimming the minimum 1200) or need to exercise more. Who has time (and clean clothes) for that? Not to mention the pluck.

Or perhaps I’m being too restrictive? Even as I sit here and write this, I feel hungry. And that’s not healthy either.

Sveltering

Yesterday was “legs.” Today was “upper back and arms.” Toss in some cardio and you have workouts.

I was particularly proud of myself today for getting up and going to the gym because I used my extra points last night and had some Taco Bell …after I had some vodka.

I’m starting to feel the groove. I just have to keep up my momentum.

Turn the Lights Down!

I found myself on the treadmill tonight wishing it was darker in the gym. Oh yeah, I joined the local- open 24 hours-fits my busy lifestyle -gym tonight.

When I walked in the “Guest” door I worried that there were no fat people. It was all fit people. That can be either bad or good. I also noticed the lack of a front desk or reception desk of any sort. Where was the friendly face to guide me and let me know that “I could do it!” ? (P.S. there is also a shocking lack of inspirational kitten posters. I know. tsk.)

I’m pretty sure the kid who signed me up didn’t really care that it had been a while since I’d been a regular gym goer and that I was a little anxious, embarrassed, and down right fearful. But I told him none-the-less. Oh, I wasn’t afraid of the working out part; just the being new and not knowing my way around, maybe falling and embarrassing myself, farting on the treadmill, the usual worries. Oh…and looking elephantastic compared to the Svelties.

Anyhow, I survived, got red and sweaty and didn’t need to fart once!

Automated Health and Weight Loss

Technology wants to help you on your quest to be healthier and/or lose weight.

I am a member of at least 5 sites devoted to calorie counting, point tracking, healthy recipe sharing, exercise tracking, and motivational weight loss tips.

I also have iPhone apps for these sites…AND MORE!

But is it all noise? At what point do all of these aids become crippling? You have to pick one thing and use it consistently to truly track and monitor your results.

My favorites are the following:

  1. Weight Watchers Online – they continue to listen to their members and improve features and performance. The site and the tracker was pretty clunky and slow, but continues to improve. The app for iPhone is great and loaded with usable features. You can track what you eat and your activity with this site and app. They boast a forum, recipes, and “cheat sheets” to help you quickly calculate your point values. (For more on Weight Watchers, check out my post on Tremendous Blondette called “10 Reasons Why Weight Watchers Works.”)
  2. SparkPeople.com – What I love about SparkPeople is the focus on balance and health. You track what you eat and it breaks it down for you into real information about your nutrition. I think the site is a little cluttered and needs some revamping, but they’ve got a huge user-base and a big community of people to help support you. You can also track your exercise here as well. The site offers you an eating and exercise plan based on your goals and you can follow it or just use the site to track. I also love that you can export your nutrition log.
  3. MapMyRun.com – I love that I can walk or run around my ‘hood or anywhere and then log in and figure out how far I actually moved. It’s good for planning runs and walks too. I have the iPhone app, but I’ve been unsuccessful so far at getting it to work for me as I’m going.
  4. Period Tracker (Lite) – This may seem like an odd one to include, but in terms of overall health and well-being, and in knowing when you are going to be most susceptible to temptation and indulgent behaviors, this gets my vote for truly useful app. I was able to whip this out at the doctor’s office this year and give accurate information. I noticed that as my weight has increased, I’ve had changes in my cycle. My body is pissed at me.

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda…Did

It’s amazing how nervous you can get about signing up at a new gym. What kind of people work there? What kind of people work out there? Will I fit in? Are they all buff and beautiful? Will they leer at me or condescend me? “Oh good for you fatty!”

Anyhow, when you gain 60 lbs (maybe I’m rounding, maybe I’m not) your sense of self kinda changes.

So, this evening I decided I would stop sitting on my couch, playing on the internet and working, and I would get dressed and go sign myself up at the gym by my house. Deep breaths and a pep talk got me dressed and out the door with everything I’d need to sign up and work out. The gym is open 24 hours so it seems like a good fit for someone with my slightly odd hours and lifestyle. It was about 6:30pm when I got there and discovered that the guest door has a closed sign. Dang it.

In that moment I had to decide if I would go to my old gym, try the other gym I’d been considering, go walk/run around my neighborhood, or give up.

Well, I am comfortable at my old gym; however, it’s not close to home and the hours kind of suck for my lifestyle so it didn’t make sense to go there. The other “new” gym is close to work, but about 20 minutes from home and may have left me in the same boat as the gym by my house.

I chose door number 3 and wogged around my neighborhood. (Wog is Walk + Run) It was mostly walking, but for the first time in years (yep, years now) I ran. I also realized I’d need to work on my bra situation if I wanted to run again.

Exercise truly is the best medicine. I already feel better.

One day at a time and one day closer to 30.

Ripcord

Lap band. I’m really and truly considering it. I need help. I really need someone or something physical to keep me in check.

My emotions right now are very erratic. A large part is dissatisfaction at work because I need a real vacation and/or a life. Last week I started a new “balance” routine where-by I actually cut off from work email etc. I might take it off my phone even! I’m trying to set boundaries.

Anyhow, I know one person who has had the surgery and she lost weight and still seems to function. I think it might help me.

I also really need a few kicks in the ass to workout. I actually LOVE working out, but getting back into it is really, really hard. But if I could combine the two…wouldn’t that be great?

and 30 is soon. very soon.