Truth Be Told

When you join AA you have to follow a series of 12 steps. Part of that process involves being completely honest about your problem.

“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

So, my issues with my weight aren’t quite the same as being an alcoholic, but the principles still apply. In order to get healthy and truly reach my goals, I have to be completely honest with myself and others about who I am, what I am, and my habits.

I’ve had a subscription the Weight Watchers Online program for about a year and a half. I originally started when I wanted to lose weight in preparation for my brother’s wedding in July 2009. I was successful in losing weight for the wedding through careful monitoring of food consumed. But that’s only one component of the process. My health, my weight, are not just about what I eat. It’s about my lifestyle. I’m a -holic, it’s just not the alco part. I’m a workaholic. I’ve been aware of my issues of only being able to focus on my thing truly and completely for a while. Call it obsessive, I just call it perfectionism. Focusing on work when you are single and overweight is pretty easy to do. I can see my success through promotions and salary increases. From living with my parents making a pittance, to my own apartment, to my own house, I’ve achieved. Unfortunately, as I’ve prioritized that portion of my life, I’ve cast off other factors. I seek to find a balance. I need to prioritize my own personal, human goals. My job will not be there for me when I’m 75 and stricken with cancer. (more likely I’ll be 55 when I get cancer or have a stroke – thanks genetics!) But even still, I want to be around. I want to have a fighting chance.

So, today, I offer you these humble truths. I am somewhere between 5’3″ and 5’4″, medium build, and I weigh 241.6 pounds. I’ve always wanted to be 125 pounds. It just sounds more feminine. I do not sleep on a regular schedule. I do not exercise. I do not maintain my housework. I prioritize my work over all of these things – and my friends. And when I find that I am anxious, stressed out, or unhappy, I treat myself with food.

I end this.

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