My abs more closely resemble an amoeba than a stomach right now. About 5 years ago, I set myself on a life changing path of health and fitness. I put away the M&Ms and I started going to the gym regularly. I was able to lose 70 lbs in the process; however, I didn’t reach my final goal weight or size.
It was the second time I’d come in shy of my goal. The first time, I didn’t start of with as much to lose, but I lost ground when circumstances changed. I no longer made eating sensibly and exercising priorities. Other events in my life changed and I became severely depressed. The fear of sinking into that same dark place keeps me from tipping over completely. I don’t want to ever lose my self in that way again.
Over the past 4 years, I’ve been steadily gaining that 70lbs back. It’s embarrassing, demoralizing, and had been taking a large toll on my mental and emotional endurance lately. I’m miserable. I hate to fail and usually when I do, I just give up and stop taking any accountablity or trying to do anything correctly or successfully.
I worry because I don’t want to continue gaining weight, but as the pounds increase, the pressure to act increases. I also have a highly stressful job that just continues to get more stressful.
I feel myself on an edge.